I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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