he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
