hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
