totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
