he puts the penis in happiness.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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