You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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