i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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