You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
