The maid of honor just puked.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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