dude i'm inner monologue high
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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