just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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