So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
