My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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