Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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