College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
