you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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