p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
