I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
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