I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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