You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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