I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
