There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
