I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
