Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
