I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
