I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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