I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize