i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
