Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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