im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
