it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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