Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
