we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
