so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
