you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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