You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
