i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
