I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
