They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I party with great urgency now.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
