You can't special order awesome
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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