i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
