I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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