): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
