there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
did i just pee glitter
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
