Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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