Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
