HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
