Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
