Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You're like the curious george of whores
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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