i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
