you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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