how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
