you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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