The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
