ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
