omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
