so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize