moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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