Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
You can't special order awesome
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
