The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Randomize
