i just wanna soil my oats bro
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
