i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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