So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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