You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
